The Only Thing More Predictable Than a SpaceX Launch? The Predictable Hype.
Oh, look, another SpaceX launch. Color me shocked. I mean, seriously, does anyone not expect these things anymore? Vandenberg Space Force Base, 28 more Starlink satellites cluttering up low-Earth orbit, the whole shebang. They even landed the booster on "Of Course I Still Love You." Cute name, I guess. Like we're supposed to be impressed by their cutesy PR when they're turning the sky into a damn billboard.
63 Launches From Vandenberg This Year? Seriously?
Sixty-three launches from Vandenberg this year? Let's just marinate on that for a second. Sixty-three times we've had rockets blasting off, supposedly to "advance economic growth, bolster national security, and achieve national space objectives." Which, let's be real, translates to "make Elon richer, give the military more toys, and further pollute the planet."
And the Instagram posts from Vandenberg Space Force Base? Give me a break. All smiles and sunshine, like they're not complicit in this whole… thing. It's all so sanitized, so carefully curated. Where's the real story? The environmental impact? The potential for disaster? The sheer, unadulterated waste of resources?
They tell us this launch, like every other launch, is vital. Vital for what, exactly? For streaming cat videos in 4K while the ice caps melt? For drone warfare while people starve? I'm not seeing the upside here. Maybe I'm just a grumpy old cynic... nah.
First Flight Booster? More Like First Step to Space Trash.
This Falcon 9 booster was on its first flight. Which means, what, it's going to be retired soon? Another piece of expensive junk added to the growing pile of space debris circling our planet? We're creating a cosmic junkyard, and nobody seems to care.
And "Of Course I Still Love You?" It's a boat. A boat that catches rockets. A ridiculously expensive boat, I'm sure. Used to catch ridiculously expensive rockets. That are used to launch… more satellites. Satellites that will become space trash. It's the circle of (space) life, I guess. A wasteful, pointless circle.
Speaking of pointless waste, remember that time I tried to get a decent cup of coffee at the VSFB commissary? It was like drinking battery acid. And cost five bucks. Space travel, I get. But decent coffee? Apparently, that's still rocket science.
Where's the Accountability?
Where's the real investigation into the long-term effects of these launches? Where's the independent analysis? All we get is the press release version, neatly packaged and delivered with a smile. I'm not buying it. Not for a second. We need someone to hold these guys accountable. To ask the tough questions. To actually look at the consequences of this relentless push into space. But who's gonna do it? The mainstream media? They're too busy chasing the next shiny object.
